When you have little or nothing to say

by autumn on August 17, 2010 · 1 comment

Is that good or bad? I tend to be a get to the point gal and even a little “that’s it, you’ve irritated me so I’ll leave now” type.

What’s hilarious is I seem to attract friends that are quite the opposite.  This is a benefit in two ways: 1) they get someone who will sit and listen and 2) it allows me to learn how to communicate better.

Oops, I think I said the bad word.  I’ll whisper it communication.

What it really comes down to is I’m a terrible communicator. I don’t empathize well, I don’t describe at all, and worst of all I don’t express my feelings well.

That was really hard to say. My husband and sisters-in-law are quick to point out that it’s a family trait.

I am improving. I’ve learned how to converse with someone when they are wrong (instead of politely smiling then going home to unload on my husband) by asking them questions as to how they arrived at this illogical conclusion. I’ve sort of improved on expressing my feelings– at least with my family anyways.

The empathy one is hard. I’m there for anyone who needs prayer but put me face to face with someone hurting and I freeze up. I have no idea how to comfort.  This is sometimes shown towards my children, especially the girls.

How does one overcome this weakness? How do I learn to empathize? How do I get to the point where I think it’s okay to spend 10 minutes describing an experience?

Obviously, a parent doesn’t want to pass on poor communication skills to their children. For now I say “Praise the Lord! that I have a husband on the opposite end of the spectrum!”  At the very least he balances out what is shown to the children. That doesn’t fix the problem of course.

When I say balance it actually looks like this: the girls communicate great, Haven is a clam shell, ticking time bomb, church mouse…cute as can be but you get my point. Sterling appears to be much more like the girls.

This would definitely explain my lack of blog posts. My head is filled with deep, riveting posts yet I fail miserably to communicate them.

The irony in being a poor communicator is the uncontrolled tongue in times of anger or frustration.

The Bible has much to say about communication. Proverbs is fully convicting to a poor communicator. But, my favorite passages in regards to communication are:

Ephesians 4:29-32

James 3:2-12

These teach me what I need to be doing. These guide me towards the place I want to be. I have so far to go but I know God is faithful.

James 1:5

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{ 1 comment }

1 Lisa~ August 17, 2010 at 8:30 p

I have two thoughts for you…take them or leave them. ;)

1. Pray. That’s the only way to really change.
2. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I have qualities that others will tell me, “You’re too straight forward” or “You’re not friendly enough.” I use to try so hard to change and then I realized….the Lord is concerned with my heart and He knows that I care about others and I am actually, although it may not be obvious, a nice person.

If you do need to change, give yourself over to it and then leave it in the Lord’s hands. Lisa~

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